Another reason why I hate this place and the next 16 days couldn't go by faster.

I gave Carlsbad one more chance to show me a good time last night... aaand fail.

It was my pal's 21st birthday so I joined her to celebrate. We met at Chili's, hopped to Cal's Cactus Shade and ended up dancing at the Blue Cactus. (Bar names are ridiculous in small towns.) The night was mostly fun up to that point, but I swear to the gods, I CANNOT dress up and go out to bars in this damn state without getting harassed by at least one pushy asshole.

I was dancing with my friends and a few guys I didn't know. We were having a great time. I was feeling silly, so I did the thing where you pretend to catch someone with a fishing line and reel them in. I was trying to set my negative feelings for the Carlsbad bar scene aside to have a good time, and this guy seemed cool, so I figured he'd playfully go along with it. Wrong.

Him: "That was hot. That totally just turned me on."

Me: Seriously?

Him: "I bet I could turn you on like you've never been turned on before."

Me: "Um. I doubt that."

Him: "I could prove it to you now in the backseat of your car."

Me: Ew. Gross. Gag. "I'm taken."

Him: "Oh yeah? Where is he?"

Me: "San Francisco."

Him: "Well I'm right here, baby."

Me: "Yeah, and you're not him."

Him: "That doesn't matter. We could have fun for tonight. He doesn't even have to know."

Me: "Okay, listen. I'm not going to fuck you."

Him: "What?"

Me: "I'M NOT GOING TO FUCK YOU!!"

Him: "I never said we had to, I was just saying I could turn you on."

Me: "Do I look like a fucking idiot? Leave me alone."

And there you have it, folks. The precise reason why I haven't bothered being socially present in this town since I moved back in January. Many of the guys in this town will fuck anything and I inevitably have to turn into a bitch to get the pushy ones to leave me alone and I reeeeeally don't like doing it. I actually really don't like being a bitch. At all. Whatsoever. I could go the rest of my life a happy happy camper if I never had to play the bitch card because some asshole hasn't the respect to leave me alone when it's blatantly obvious that I'm not interested. And it makes me not want to interact with men in bars because I'm in constant worry that I'll have to practically fight them off with a stick!

Anyway...

The bar closed at 1am. I had two choices: I could either call it a night and go home, or I could join my friends at a house party. I saw no reason why I shouldn't go to the party, so I chose the latter. I should have gone home when I had the chance. Do you ever have those moments? Moments where you have the option to stay out in hopes of more fun or go home and you choose to go out and then later think "Fuuuck... I should have just gone home." Yeah, it was one of those nights.

This party was the epitome of boring. Terrible music, trashy people and empty conversation. Why didn't I just leave then? Because my friends were having a really good time and the birthday girl was so happy I was there. I didn't want to leave her and I really wanted to be having a good time too. Then came pushy guy #2. I'll keep this one short. I went outside to have an "I'm bored" cigarette and this guy followed me outside. He kept asking me where my boyfriend was and if I wanted a beer and if something was wrong with me. I told him politely that I just wanted to be left alone but apparently that wasn't in his realm of understanding. He finally put his arms around me because he felt I needed a hug. Had I been more drunk, I probably would have flipped out on him, but the sobriety at 3am didn't afford me the bitch energy I needed. I finally gave up and went home.

JESUS CHRIST. I thank the universe that I'm a mere 16 days from living in a place in which I am definitely not the hottest bitch on the dance floor.

[EDIT:] I was telling Adrian this morning about my less-than-awesome outing last night and the topic of pushy guys in bars came up.

9:55:42 AM Adrian Brush: You know, this is something I love about SF, but it's interesting how girls respond to it...I've found that guys are a lot less pushy in SF (or at least most parts of SF...there are still places where it can be like that)...but, while girls don't get harassed the way I've seen them harassed in other places, like Cincinnati or Chicago, etc, they all complain because it's "impossible to meet a guy" because none of the guys will come up to them unless they are pretty sure the girl might be interested, and a lot of times, us guys will wait for the girl to make some kind of move....but apparently we're supposed to be the ones that both initiate everything, but also don't be pushy, etc. It's annoying and it sucks to be the ones who have to put ourselves on the line alllll the time.

I'd just like to take a moment to comment on this. Ladies. Quit being silly. This ain't the 50s. You want to be treated like an equal, you gotta play like one. If you want something, you have to make it happen. Boys are dense and frankly not interested in offending you (if they're any sort of decent, anyway). Now fellas. There are ways to let a girl know you're interested without being a scumbag. Don't be afraid to explore those methods. Also, pay more attention to subtleties! K? Bye.

So Stephanie, I heard that you were getting an apartment. What's up with all that?

I saw an ad on craigslist last week that was for a two bedroom apartment at 1955 44th Ave in Outer Sunset for $1550/mo. PROS: Cat friendly, has a small backyard and was newly remodeled a year ago. It's in a safe neighborhood, light traffic and is four blocks from the ocean. We'd be living downstairs of a young couple with a 2 year old child and a dog and cat. CONS: The kitchen is more like a cook nook, there isn't an actual full wall between the bedrooms, there's only one train that goes all the way out there late at night so it may be a pain to get home sometimes, and it's like, a 45 minute MUNI ride to Market Street where NHI is, BUT these are all minor discrepancies to overcome. I decided I liked the place enough to have it checked out, so after discussion with Amber, we agreed. Adrian had offered quite a while ago to check out places for us, so I sent him out there to scout.

When I first started emailing the chick, Noelle, about the place, she was very responsive. I'd email her in the morning and she'd get back to me by evening, but ever since I sent Adrian to check the place out, she's been distant. (And no, I don't think it has anything to do with Adrian. Everyone loves him. I mean, how can you NOT love this face? *ahem* Anyway...) It took her three days to send me photos she'd promised to send sooner, but I figured whatever, we're all busy people, no big deal, and I didn't worry about it. Sunday evening, she finally sent an email with photos and the information and tenant survey she needed from each of us and I filled it out and sent it back. Days pass. Nothing. We even agreed to the 10 month lease. Still nothing. So, I don't know if they are planning to go with someone else and have just dropped us or if maybe they're being lazy about it since we've said yes, or what. Regardless, I'm getting annoyed and impatient.

Then yesterday, Amber's friend, Cade, texted her with phone numbers for two places across the street from them in Richmond on 19th Street and Clement, one for $1400 (which sounds like a one bedroom or studio for the price) and the other is $1600, which could very well be a two bedroom. For only $50 more! Eee! I like the idea of that so much more. That would put us smack in the middle of the neighborhood, the Presidio directly north and Golden Gate Park directly south and I bet it would be less of a pain in the ass to get to late at night.

Oh here's a bright idea: I could call her! But I don't want to. Firstly, because I have this weird thing where I don't like talking to strangers on the phone. I don't know why, but I always get this weird feeling of anxiety when my phone rings and it's someone I don't know, or if I know I'm going to have to be on hold forever, or if I don't know how to answer someone's question I feel all flustered. That's why I would never answer the phone at any job I had. Even Red Lobster. I worked there for two years and managed to avoid answering the phone 99% of the time. Same with Chili's. Phone rings and I suddenly have laser vision that enables me to see that the dining room is clearly too dirty for me to stop and answer the phone. Or table 52 suddenly and desperately needs more chips STAT. I really need to get over this stupid fear if I'm going to be a massage therapist. If I'm too shy to answer my phone, how am I going to book clients?

< /tangent >

Secondly, because my interest in this other place has been piqued. I decided a long time ago that I would like to live somewhere in Richmond, closer to central than outer, because it's quieter and cheaper and in between the two major parks, and this location is perfect. I don't want to call Noelle and ask about it and be all wrong about the situation and have her be like "Okay, so let's settle things now" cuz then I'd be like "Shit. Weelllll....."

I think I'll just wait until we see what these other places are all about. Mrphf. Wait wait wait wait. I need to create some better waiting games.

The end.

PS. I CANNOT find a decent photo of the neighborhoods of San Francisco. My Not For Tourist's map has a perfect one, but I can't find an image of it online. I mean, really Google? You have everything, and you don't have a decent neighborhood map of SF. You disappoint me.

P.P.S. The layout editor for this blog sucks, that's why the picture looks poorly placed. I tried to make it richly placed, but it took too much effort. My apologies, but I think you'll survive. :)

How do I become a good blogger who offers a source of weekly entertainment as opposed to frequenting a platform to bitch from?

I used to journal all the time. On the rare occasions I've gone back and re-read those journals, there were times when I was like "Omg, really? Really, Stephanie?" and I just feel totally embarrassed... and I'm not talking about embarrassing events. I mean my writing style.

Sometimes I look back on my writing and I'm like "Damn, I did that?" and I feel all proud and shit. Then sometimes there will be some awful gem... some awful drunken gem, more likely... scrawled out in soap opera dramatics. Oh jesus.

Off tangent, so what I want to know is how do you keep your blog interesting? How do you rant about the crap that goes on in your life that you find fascinating and NOT come off as a totally absorbed fruity asshole (ie: me?). Not that I really think that I'm an asshole because I find it very irritating when people say things like "Yeah, I'm a bitch. I'm an asshole." because then I'm just like "Right, I definitely want to be your friend now."

That'll be peeve #10 on my Things That Tick Me Off list.

Moving on... so what I'm saying is I don't really think I'm a fruity asshole, but I think some people might potentially see me that way if I don't watch it. I've just become much louder and more I-don't-care-what-you-think about things and I try to have respect, but sometimes I can't hold back the annoyance. I'm not even just saying it this time, like, I really stopped caring and it feels FUCKING FANTASTIC.

With that being said, I guess I'm afraid that my blog will be either a) boring and annoying bitch rants or b) self-centered assholery.

I also read a lot of http://nicoleisbetter.com..... her style is influencing me.

Advice? References? Prz?

Oh my, what big teeth you have

A few photos from my last weekend in Portales.

A pair of ducks.

Oh my, what big teeth you have.

My sister, Jessica, and I

The most rockingest photo of Amber EVER

Drunk!Blake and Jessa

1. Quit Chili's

Two weekends ago, I went up to Portales to see Eurydice and all my college friends for the last time before I leave New Mexico forever. It turned into a rather dramatic weekend and it took me a few days to get back into a stable emotional state. In the meantime, however, my mood affected my performance at work. I received more customer complaints than I've ever had ever and it was really hard for me to give an honest fuck about anything at all. Wednesday, the 28th I believe, was the absolute worst. Many of my plates were going out wrong because the damn QA is too ditzy to read her modifiers properly. There was one point when I brought a skillet of fajitas back and before I could even say a word to the head cook, everyone around me said "Aw, really Miller? Again?". I could only respond with an exasperated laugh. Then there was the bitchy blind shrimp lady who made me read the menu to her because she didn't bring in her glasses and then caused a scene in the dining room by yelling at me and Patrick because her food was inedible by her standards. Her broccoli was cold and her shrimp was "leather". Later during my check out with Patrick, I asked if I could just finish out my schedule and be done with everything because my performance has been sucking so bad, it would just be better for everyone if I left. He agreed and (I thought) that was that.

WELL THEN, Kerry told me about the schedule for the following week.

"They're ALL about you" she said, knowing that I wasn't planning on going back in to work after May 5th.
"Em, whaaat?"

So I look at the schedule online and Kim had scheduled me for FIVE shifts, four of them closing shifts, all in a row. I was like WTFWHHYYY?!! and immediately started scrambling to get the shifts covered. But of course, no one is responding to my calls or texts. Typical. Eventually, I settled down about it all... I decided to pull on my big girl pants and just take advantage of the extra shifts and extra money.

WELL THEN, Heather texted me Wednesday morning to see if I would trade shifts with her... I'd work her lunch shift and she'd work dinner. I agreed, because May 5th is my parent's wedding anniversary and this would allow me to have dinner with them. So I go in at 11 and the first thing I do is start writing a note that my shifts are up for grabs, but when I look at the schedule, I'm not on it.

"Hey Kim," I asked "online it says that I'm working five shifts this week but I just looked at the schedule and I'm not on it. Which one do I go by?"
"Oh, you'll go by the paper one. The online schedules have to be submitted on Monday and I didn't get your note until Tuesday, so I've already corrected everything."

Oh. So I'm done? I'm done! WOO HOO! Donedonedonedone! I worked that last lunch shift, made $50 and said sayonara.

1. Quit Chili's

The run-down in a nutshell...

Instead of back dating a bunch of entries, here's a quick overview of what's been going on since I left Portales.

I got a job at Chili's. At first, I was like "Yay!" and now I'm like "Boo!". Partly because I am SO SICK of being a server, partly because half of the management and overall attitude in that restaurant SUCKS (coughjamestomcough), and partly because I have grown to develop a moral aversion to corporate business. BOYCOTT NOW! BRING DOWN THE ROBOT OF CONSUMERISM!

*ahem* Moving on...

I took me about two months to adjust. I finally shed the remainder of my depression. Whew! That felt good. Unfortunately in the recovery process I flaked out on people a few times. I apologize for that. :(

Then I went to Drama Fest. That was great fun. Great great fun. Everyone was just as excited to see me as I was to see them. It was my bestie's senior recital... she played the leading female role... and she was wonderful! The whole show was great, minus one thing... those of you who were there KNOW what I'm talking about... I'll leave it otherwise off the record.

Some photos from Drama Fest 2010.







I tied up a lot of loose ends that weekend and returned to Carlsbad feeling refreshed and ready to move on with my life. I applied with the school district and started substitute teaching, aka glorified and well-paid babysitting minus the poopy diapers and requirements for sandwich making skills plus the power to tell them to sit down and STFU. I'll be blogging later about the day I almost committed murder.

Anyway, then I met this fantastic guy named Adrian Brush. We're basically the poster children for OkCupid.com, that is unless my friend Dawn and her Canadian fella don't beat us to the punch. He lives in San Francisco and is being a huge awesome help to us.

Other than all that, nothing much has happened.

The End.

SAN FRANCISCO OR BUST!!!

Trip from 7009 Peyote Rd, Carlsbad, NM 88220-9343 to San Francisco, CA