I gave Carlsbad one more chance to show me a good time last night... aaand fail.
It was my pal's 21st birthday so I joined her to celebrate. We met at Chili's, hopped to Cal's Cactus Shade and ended up dancing at the Blue Cactus. (Bar names are ridiculous in small towns.) The night was mostly fun up to that point, but I swear to the gods, I CANNOT dress up and go out to bars in this damn state without getting harassed by at least one pushy asshole.
I was dancing with my friends and a few guys I didn't know. We were having a great time. I was feeling silly, so I did the thing where you pretend to catch someone with a fishing line and reel them in. I was trying to set my negative feelings for the Carlsbad bar scene aside to have a good time, and this guy seemed cool, so I figured he'd playfully go along with it. Wrong.
Him: "That was hot. That totally just turned me on."
Me: Seriously?
Him: "I bet I could turn you on like you've never been turned on before."
Me: "Um. I doubt that."
Him: "I could prove it to you now in the backseat of your car."
Me: Ew. Gross. Gag. "I'm taken."
Him: "Oh yeah? Where is he?"
Me: "San Francisco."
Him: "Well I'm right here, baby."
Me: "Yeah, and you're not him."
Him: "That doesn't matter. We could have fun for tonight. He doesn't even have to know."
Me: "Okay, listen. I'm not going to fuck you."
Him: "What?"
Me: "I'M NOT GOING TO FUCK YOU!!"
Him: "I never said we had to, I was just saying I could turn you on."
Me: "Do I look like a fucking idiot? Leave me alone."
And there you have it, folks. The precise reason why I haven't bothered being socially present in this town since I moved back in January. Many of the guys in this town will fuck anything and I inevitably have to turn into a bitch to get the pushy ones to leave me alone and I reeeeeally don't like doing it. I actually really don't like being a bitch. At all. Whatsoever. I could go the rest of my life a happy happy camper if I never had to play the bitch card because some asshole hasn't the respect to leave me alone when it's blatantly obvious that I'm not interested. And it makes me not want to interact with men in bars because I'm in constant worry that I'll have to practically fight them off with a stick!
Anyway...
The bar closed at 1am. I had two choices: I could either call it a night and go home, or I could join my friends at a house party. I saw no reason why I shouldn't go to the party, so I chose the latter. I should have gone home when I had the chance. Do you ever have those moments? Moments where you have the option to stay out in hopes of more fun or go home and you choose to go out and then later think "Fuuuck... I should have just gone home." Yeah, it was one of those nights.
This party was the epitome of boring. Terrible music, trashy people and empty conversation. Why didn't I just leave then? Because my friends were having a really good time and the birthday girl was so happy I was there. I didn't want to leave her and I really wanted to be having a good time too. Then came pushy guy #2. I'll keep this one short. I went outside to have an "I'm bored" cigarette and this guy followed me outside. He kept asking me where my boyfriend was and if I wanted a beer and if something was wrong with me. I told him politely that I just wanted to be left alone but apparently that wasn't in his realm of understanding. He finally put his arms around me because he felt I needed a hug. Had I been more drunk, I probably would have flipped out on him, but the sobriety at 3am didn't afford me the bitch energy I needed. I finally gave up and went home.
JESUS CHRIST. I thank the universe that I'm a mere 16 days from living in a place in which I am definitely not the hottest bitch on the dance floor.
[EDIT:] I was telling Adrian this morning about my less-than-awesome outing last night and the topic of pushy guys in bars came up.
9:55:42 AM Adrian Brush: You know, this is something I love about SF, but it's interesting how girls respond to it...I've found that guys are a lot less pushy in SF (or at least most parts of SF...there are still places where it can be like that)...but, while girls don't get harassed the way I've seen them harassed in other places, like Cincinnati or Chicago, etc, they all complain because it's "impossible to meet a guy" because none of the guys will come up to them unless they are pretty sure the girl might be interested, and a lot of times, us guys will wait for the girl to make some kind of move....but apparently we're supposed to be the ones that both initiate everything, but also don't be pushy, etc. It's annoying and it sucks to be the ones who have to put ourselves on the line alllll the time.
I'd just like to take a moment to comment on this. Ladies. Quit being silly. This ain't the 50s. You want to be treated like an equal, you gotta play like one. If you want something, you have to make it happen. Boys are dense and frankly not interested in offending you (if they're any sort of decent, anyway). Now fellas. There are ways to let a girl know you're interested without being a scumbag. Don't be afraid to explore those methods. Also, pay more attention to subtleties! K? Bye.
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